He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk is a universal language darling
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