How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
