I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
