Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
