I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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