This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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