I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
