i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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