Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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