We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think my vagina is haunted
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
