Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
