You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
