Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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