I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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