I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
