and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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