none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yo dont text me then not text me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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