Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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