I cockslap morals
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
