Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
