Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
