I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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