glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
