So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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