If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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