well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
