This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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