Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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