is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
