The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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