I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
