The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
