Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
