So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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