Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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