We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
