dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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