At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
