PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
