i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
