He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
