I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
