I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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