an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
