Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
