I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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