Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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