I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
