If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
