If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
